One foot in front of the other

Much more than a run


Today I was supposed to repeat last week’s 8K and try to improve my time. But due to circumstances I felt I needed a longer get-away-from-everything-and-clear-your-head kind of run.

Some of you might remember my maternal angst when our daughter met her boyfriend 13 months ago. If not, you can read it here.
imageAs it happened, the Bass and Drum guy turned out to be a nice sort and they have been together ever since.

Today my daughter officially moved out. Realistically, she hasn’t been home much for the last year, but this is official. Her boxes have gone and her room is empty.

I know I should feel proud and happy for her, and perhaps even a bit relieved. But all I feel is a sense of loss.

Her boxes have gone, but one is left and I dare not lift the lid.
The box that is filled with anxieties about getting older and coming to the end of my childbearing years (and therefore to the end of my biological purpose); about my body changing and me not feeling in tune with it anymore; about dynamics in the household shifting and us all having to find a way to adjust to that; about me having to reappraise, perhaps even reinvent, my role as a mother, wife and friend…

Perhaps you can see why a longer run was needed.

I headed out along the canal. The old disused arm of the Buckingham canal attracts very few walkers and is a quiet and isolated place – good for shedding the odd tear or even shouting into the void.
But by the time I reached it, I was already feeling better and became absorbed in the fresh air, sunshine, ancient hedgerows and birdsong.

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A sense of hope and new opportunities.
In a few months  this:image

will look like this:image

So for now the lid on my box remains shut.
But it seems to me one of corners has come loose…

Run: 11K in 1:07:48. Some extra time for taking pics and pretty slippery mud along the old canal.


5 thoughts on “Much more than a run

  1. Every winter is followed by spring. As in nature, as in life.

  2. Exactly why I love running. I hope all is well with you.xx

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